Commence Raucous Revelry, Regrettable Gyrations

Greetings and welcome to Day One of this newer, better world we have all been wishing for. The times were as lean as they were mean, and it deserves mention that YOUR unshakeable spirit saw us through that decades-long tempest of blind ineffectuality, recognized by the scientific and medical communities as "Websightlessness."

That "brighter tomorrow" you'd yearned for for years? Consider it here! For, today marks The Official Grand Opening of The Internet's Greatest Sensation to-date! Step aside, foolish dance footage, spectacular tantrums, and animalian anomalies--This disheveled landfill will never be the same now that Ingrid Asphalt's staked her claim!

Ingridasphalt.com. Ask for it by name.